When was the last time you congratulated yourself?
When was the last time you told yourself how proud you were?
When was the last time you say hey *insert name here* you rock and you’re a damn good person.”
That’s the sad part. And it’s also what’s wrong with so many of us: We so freely give out love to the amazing people around us and so quickly and instinctually deny ourselves from that same exact love.
Self love isn’t necessarily an act of self love like its so oftenly portrayed. Self love is the treatment of yourself, by yourself, to yourself.
My first ever definition and idea of self love was the stereotypical self love action which included things that you do to show you love yourself. Things like getting my nails done or getting a massage or taking your stereotypical bath with bubbles or candles. Boy, was I way off!
As I grew and dove into personal development I realised I didn’t love myself at all. This was very controversial for me because I was always an extremely confident person and I very much knew my value. Even with all of that confidence I didn’t really love myself. A huge realisation for me came from analyzing how I loved other people and how I loved myself. When it came to friends and family I was endlessly supportive and encouraging. I consistently told them how much they meant to me and how wonderful I truly thought they were. In a sense I validated that they were perfect just the way they were. This is something I never did for myself…
When I would fall short on a due date or not complete my unrealistic list of to-dos I would scold myself (in my head of course – saying all of this negative chatter out loud would be quite the scene for anyone in a 20 foot radius). Anyways, I would always say that I didn’t get enough done or I should have done more. Although I do love that aspect of myself because it keeps me forever growing it also fed into me not loving myself even more. It was counterproductive and honestly a bit destructive. A feeling of consistently not being good enough or not leveling up is undeniably going to lead you down a destructive and unfulfilling path. You will always be chasing that next accomplishment.
How did I get over this
Self love for me was firstly learning all of the areas of my life and myself that I didn’t show unconditional love. It was almost hard to accept. I couldn’t quite wrap my head around all of the areas where I lacked love. Let me tell you there was a lot! A lot more than I ever imagined! Looking back now I can see that I neglected myself from self love. The beginning of any self love journey starts with an assessment. Where are you at right now? Are you happy with the current state?
Self Love Inspired Change #1
After identifying those areas I slowly began to make changes. The first change came from action. Now I show self love through dedication. Dedication to myself. I try to do things that align with my goals, my character and my purpose. Therefore, I do small acts everyday that get me closer to my goals. This includes fueling all aspects of myself that I want to grow and flourish including but not limited to the gym, challenging myself physically, eating healthy, building a business, building a brand, continuous growth, mindfulness, impact and influence, personal development, strengthening relationships, having fun, and most importantly supporting and contributing to the people I love most in hopes that I can help them transform their lives and achieve fulfillment!
Self Love Inspired Change #2
The second thing I changed when it comes to practicing self love has a lot to do with negative self talk. I made a conscious effort to be kind to myself. How do you treat yourself when no one is around? Do you go over your past mistakes or what you could have done better? Do you ruminate on why you didn’t get the job or the raise or how it is your fault that a relationship is in turmoil?
Whatever it is please know you’re not alone! We all do these things. In fact, our brains our wired to point out the negatives or the danger in every situation. It is what made our ancestors so successful. Now, it often plots against us. We’re no longer running from a bear or scary animal. Now we just have these negative survival-like thoughts that are constantly playing in the background giving us what I like to call a “low grade anxiety”. Anxiety and feelings of worry that are always consistently there but never get too intense to handle. I will be talking more in future posts about low grade anxiety, what it is, the health issues it causes, and how to eliminate it from your life!
What is self love to me…
♦ Self love was leaving a relationship that didn’t reciprocate the love I gave, drained my energy and didn’t reach my standards
♦ Self love is being kind to myself when i don’t meet my own made up expectations
♦ Self love is eating healthy and going to the gym not because I don’t like my body but because I love my body and that is what makes me feel the most alive
♦ Self love is taking time to just “be” in nature, meditation, yoga or anything else that makes me feel reconnected with myself
♦ Self love is spending less time with friends and family that aren’t adding more fuel to my fire. My energy is precious and it should be valued and protected
♦ Self love is sleeping in, doing nothing, and having a lazy day when I need a reset
♦ Self love is also getting up early, going to bed late, and making sacrifices for the future me (Check out Will Smith’s awesome video on this)
♦ Self love is congratulating myself for all I have accomplished, the growth I’ve endured, the challenges I’ve overcome, and the beautiful person I have become.
♦ Self love is accepting me for who I am at this very moment. In the past I’ve gotten so tied up with personal development that I haven’t appreciated how far I’ve came. I haven’t genuinely congratulated myself for making it to where I am today! Today I celebrate me for everything I am. I fucking rock! You do too!
What does self love look like to you?